August 6th, 2015 I Need To See Me As I Am

August 6th, 2015 I Need To See Me As I Am

I sincerely appreciate each and every comment on yesterday's weigh-day update post. If you know me well, you know I enjoy replying in depth, answering questions thoroughly and exploring the exchange of thoughts. There's so much I want to write about concerning yesterday's post. But I can't tonight. I'm looking forward to having the time tomorrow night, since I get to sleep in as long as I want on Saturday morning. I have some thoughts!

I did raise my calorie budget to 2,000 today, bulking up my meals and making sure to get a good workout tonight at the YMCA. Fitbit is insisting my total calories burned today exceeded 700--take that against my 1,999 calories---and clearly, that's ripe for weight loss.

Upon completing my entry for today in MFP, it reminded me that "if every day were like today, you'll weigh 205lbs in five weeks." NO--that wouldn't be good.

What an interesting problem to have.

I eat well. I eat what feels like a very good amount of food. Making myself eat more than 2000 calories or so, seems counter-intuitive. Then there's the food addict in recovery dynamic. And this dynamic challenges me when faced with the need to eat more when it already feels like I'm eating plenty. Anyway--I promised myself more sleep tonight and I can clearly see where I could write about this topic for two hours if I keep going.

Every night I hit the pillow, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for where I am physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm grateful that I've made it through another day with 100% food sobriety (no binge eating and continued abstinence from refined sugar). In order to eat more--especially with increased focus on physical fitness, I must work through the idea that eating more because my body needs it, doesn't equal a binge, ever. I suppose the question I must ask myself: Am I eating for my body or for my head? 

Anyway-- more on all of this tomorrow.

Chris's suggestion of 100 pictures this week--without any explanation of why, was interesting--and I think I understand why. Chris, I'll work on that this week. Sometimes, even now--and even though I haven't been a 500 pound man in over 6 years, it's difficult to fully recognize the dramatic transformation. Oh sure, I'm well aware of the differences---of course...But it's a challenge to fully acknowledge the current physical condition. I need to see me as I am. And this, in my opinion, is key in helping me shift my perspective enough to become better suited for the challenges of maintenance mode.

photo 52503214.jpg
#TBT I was over 500 pounds in this photo with painful sciatica nerve pain going on. Driving the cart--with my daughter snapping the photo (in the feminine products isle, of all places) as I tried to explain to every one passing by how the pain was forcing me to drive the cart. Fond memory, because even though I was hurting horribly--my daughters and I couldn't keep from having a good time together.

I look forward to having more time tomorrow night for writing and interacting. Thank you for your support. Goodnight!

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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