November 5th, 2015 Come What May

November 5th, 2015 Come What May

Today was busy but rewarding. I make this crazy schedule, so I really haven't the right to complain, only change, if needed.

I split my workday in two chunks of time and taped an opening scene for an upcoming Winning Loser Video Blog in the middle. We're having so much fun creating these Vlogs. I hope you're enjoying watching!

We finished in enough time for me to race home, eat something of a holdover until a late lunch and grab a quick forty-five minute nap before returning to the studio for afternoon production duties.

My food and coffee choices today were strategically consumed. I wanted a late lunch and a late dinner to bookend two commitments this evening. I was invited to participate on an advisory board of an area college's broadcast/journalism/mass communications program. It was an honor to be asked. A complimentary dinner was offered. My plan was to pass, opt for water only--then eat dinner at home, later.

I attended Rachel's Challenge at the High School immediately after my meeting. Rachelschallenge.org has more information on this powerful presentation. It's all about positive change starting with one and creating a chain reaction within schools and communities. It's too much to explain and describe on this blog page tonight--but after promoting it on my show for a couple of weeks, I just had to witness the presentation.

I'm booked on four stand-up comedy shows this weekend, two tomorrow night and two Saturday night. I'm simply opening/emceeing with a short set of material before bringing on two other comics. It's perfect for me. I can emcee and do 8-10 minutes of material--and it gives me a taste of stand-up, an opportunity to exercise that part of me, without being a huge commitment. If you're near Stillwater, Oklahoma this weekend, come out for a great time! Visit www.stillwatercomedy.com for details.

I've written many times over the last year and a half about the importance of nurturing our core elements. Many of the things I'm doing these days are all about this concept. It's why I enjoy doing the video blogs, it's why I'm making an effort to do stand-up occasionally, it's why I'll be doing the Winning Loser Podcast very soon, and it's why I enjoy co-moderating two support groups with Life Coach Gerri, among other things.

I can't do 'em all, all the time, but I'm doing what I can. On the counsel of a trusted adviser, I'm remaining very aware of my energy and potential to attempt too much at one time. So I'm spacing it out, taking care and finding a balance I can handle.

Oh--almost forgot to mention, I'm booked to speak next Thursday afternoon with a large group of high school students about the power of choosing change! I'm thrilled about this one. 

What's interesting is how I once, years ago, claimed I was just too busy to take care of myself in the way of losing weight. 

Making a life to love, making time to experience happiness cultivated from the core elements within and keeping the life stream running in the foreground while the fundamental elements stream of my recovery and maintenance run just below, has proved to me something powerful.

The belief I once held about not having time to take extraordinary care with weight loss was a convenient out--and one that few would counter, and that made it perfect. It seemed completely justifiable. I was comfortable being a victim of my circumstance because it enabled me to continue denying a pattern of self-destruction. Now I know...

We're capable of taking extraordinary care, come what may.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di

November 4th, 2015 This Is A Positive Thing

November 4th, 2015 This Is A Positive Thing

After years of saying things like, "I need to start lifting weights," or "the next thing for me must be a committed weight training routine," I finally took a step in that direction meeting with a trainer tonight and by agreeing to start with a her guidance on Wednesday the 11th at 6pm. It will be my first session. There's the accountability factor. The trainer will be there at 6pm. I must be there.

I've had a fear of weight training. Hang-ups about it, powerful ones dating back to childhood. I've written about these before. It's time to let it go. (cue inspirational song from Frozen soundtrack)

Seriously--all of my apprehension is based on contempt without investigation. This is the opposite of having an open mind. And since I do have an open mind about most everything else, it's time to explore--time to investigate. It's time to have faith.

They say, "it'll be great--you'll get stronger--your weaker right arm will grow and catch up to your stronger left arm--you might end up loving it!" Okay, I'm going to suspend disbelief and truly give it an honest go. I plan on taking before pictures. I plan on getting excited about this part of my transformation. It's important to me. It really is. I know I haven't made it important, but it doesn't mean I don't recognize its importance.

It's like before I committed to being abstinent from refined sugar. I struggled with the mere thought. People who had years of abstinence would say things like, "it'll be great, you'll likely feel some peace and clarity--it may very well put a stop to the urges to binge--it will give you a more stable foundation on which to build your food plan--the one you plan on having for life--you'll notice a profound difference in a very short time." You know what happened with this story. I did give it an honest go and now, I'm quickly approaching 600 days abstinence. And it's, without question, the best nutritional decision I've ever made. AND--It's one of the best recovery decisions I've made. 

I hope to say the same kind of things about weight training.

The trainer warned me, "you're going to gain weight, but it'll be muscle." I'm completely okay with this truth. Will I need a support buddy to remind me of that when I weigh in and find gains? Sure I will. I'm human! I'm honestly getting excited about making the commitment. This is a positive thing.

I never did donate those size 32 Lucky Jeans I mentioned a long time ago. They were found in a gift box from a fellow blogger. He generously sent me his old jeans several years ago. Several pair, mostly 38's and 36's at the time...and one lonely pair of size 32 Lucky Brand jeans. I held them up and thought--this must have been a mistake!! I'll never, ever in a million years fit into size 32's. 

I've tried them on at various points along the way and every time, it confirmed my belief...these will never ever fit in a million years of trying.

Just for giggles--and prompted by my baggy size 36 jeans---and because I'll be buying another pair of jeans in the coming days with birthday money gifted by a friend for this specific purpose--I tried them, again.

Oh, wow. I couldn't believe it!!! I pulled them up over my behind and was astonished at how close the button was to the middle. It was a stretch, still--but then I thought... Hey, I'll do the whole lying down and buttoning them, trick. And it worked! They fit like a glove in every place except around my midsection--and these jeans only had trouble there because of loose skin in that area. There's no way I'm wearing them because they're way too tight and I'd rather be comfortable, but still---they buttoned!!!! Size 32!!!!???!!! Are you kidding me??? Sean Anderson in size 32 jeans?? That's crazy.

It convinced me to move from 36 to size 34's. And tomorrow or Friday, when I shop for this new pair of birthday gift jeans, I'll be trying on size 34's instead of 36's and I'll see if it works well.

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From The Comments Section:

Robin recently asked a couple of great questions:

"I think you're amazing and you know that by my comments. Ok so here's the question, when you're just the normal lean guy to the world around, and that will happen, then what? Right now you're bombarded with compliments, which you should be, but when it becomes normal and all this dies down how do you transition? I'm not being a smartass by asking this I'm truly curious if this will be an issue. My other question is you eat a lot of fruit which contains a lot of sugar, yes it's considered natural but it's still sugar, isn't it?"

My Reply:

Robin, I appreciate your comments. Great questions.

I don't live for or do what I do, for compliments. I appreciate them, and I graciously accept them (it's taken a lot of internal work to handle some) but compliments don't affect me like they might have after my initial weight loss.

I've had a lot of time to grow and develop. The difference now is, I'm more confident in who I am as a person than ever before--in other words, if I never receive another compliment, I'm still fine--and the same as I am, right now.

What others say about me, good or bad, is a reflection of them, not me.

In this embrace of my truest self--- gaining weight doesn't make me worse of a person and losing weight or maintaining doesn't make me a better person. I embrace the core elements of me--the same ones I possessed at my heaviest are still a major part of me today.

Compliments feel good, of course-- but they don't affect the core elements of me. Does that make sense?

The fruit sugar thing--

I'm lucky to not have blood sugar issues. If I did, I would need to be very careful with the amount of fruit I consume. You're right--it's fruit sugar...but natural sugar is fine. The abstinence is from refined sugar. The sugar found naturally in fruits and veggies doesn't create the biochemical reactions of refined sugar.

Discovering the difference between natural sugar found in fruit and refined sugar, was a big help in my embrace of abstinence. People like Gerri Helms (22 years abstinence) and Phil Werdell (28 years abstinence) of foodaddiction.com helped me understand this difference.


Again--thank you, Robin for your loyal readership and comments!

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Today was solid. I prepared some awesome food, finally met with a trainer, enjoyed some good support interactions, rocked a fantastic workout and hit every goal I had for today. I hope to do the same again tomorrow!

The tweets can take it the rest of the way----

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di

November 3rd, 2015 A Better Day Is Coming

November 3rd, 2015 A Better Day Is Coming

My schedule the last two days has been rather challenging. I've fallen behind a little bit on email and blog comment replies. If you've asked a specific question, I appreciate your patience.

After taking 3/4 of day personal leave yesterday, I was vague in the specific cause/need for this and it prompted a great question (and very considerately worded by the way) from an anonymous reader:

Can you say more about needing to take a day off? Were you in a bad mood, or feeling depressed? Did something specific happen (not asking for personal details)? Did you take the time because you needed to give yourself just a little bit more extraordinary care? The reason I ask is that I think it's helpful (for me at least) to hear what a trigger/bad mood might be, and how you pulled yourself out of it (even if it's just that you asked your friends for a helping hand). I, myself, had a crummy day yesterday, and it was all I could do not to stay inside and hide. I eventually got up, showered and got myself to school-- but it wasn't pretty. Any advice you have on this (or just anything that works for you) would be appreciated.

When I'm vague it's usually because being more specific might violate someone else's privacy. It might be a colleague or a loved one or anyone close to me. I wasn't in a bad mood or depressed yesterday, I was simply exhausted and needed to stay in bed longer.

But the deeper issue/question here: How do we navigate the ups and downs and still take the kind of care in harmony with our goals?  

Bad days happen. If my consistency is dependent on things being as easy and stress free as possible, I'm destined for trouble. Bad moods, stress, emotional situations, disappointments--all of these can happen suddenly and sometimes without explanation. Other times, the source is perfectly clear. Either way, I must recognize some solid truths:

Food isn't a fixer. It doesn't make everything magically better. It offers a delicious distraction at best. Excess food during stressful/emotional or otherwise, "bad days," can seem like the way to turn--but its offer of comfort is an illusion, a 'bait and switch,' if you will. I can't count the number of times I've retreated into binge mode, looking for an escape, something to make it all better--and then realized, not only is the instigating issue still an issue, now I feel worse then before, having sacrificed the integrity of my plan, again.

Awareness is key. When I feel a tilt in my mood coming on or when I'm suddenly faced with high stress/high emotions, I'm keenly aware of my natural reactions. It's in those critical moments when I must pause before these deep seeded behaviors play out in a bad way. My defenses must go to a higher level. My consistency and the integrity of my plan is too important to sacrifice. For what?? A bad day?? For real? Some might say--easy there fella, it's one binge, big deal...but it becomes a big deal, quickly.

The greatest damage of a binge was never the actual binge food, it was always the after effects--the psychological damage far outweighed the actual physical damage created. The emotional/mental breakdowns created post-binge, led to the end of weight loss attempt after attempt.

If I keep my awareness level high and I couple it with 100% self-honesty, then the pause I need in order to react differently, is created. It might even encourage me to deal directly with an issue, exploring actual solutions instead of solution illusions. But in those initial moments of turbulence and greatest vulnerability...

I reach out for text support. A simple text: "I'm having a tough one today, feeling vulnerable," can do magical things. Suddenly we're not alone. Suddenly our emotional circumstance isn't exclusive to our head. 

I write. Writing it out is a powerful way to gain a clearer understanding of the situation and better, how we feel and how we react to the situation. You don't have to share it on a blog. The power of writing, the therapeutic benefits of written expression still happens, even when it's for your eyes only. This blog is like a doctoral study of me, by me.

I meditate, I say a prayer--I connect with my spiritual side.

And through it all, I must constantly remind myself--this too shall pass. A better day is coming.

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Today was a better day. I had a great show this morning, I accomplished quite a few things by noon, left work--took care of a couple of errands, grabbed lunch--and a short nap before returning to work this afternoon to finish the production day. Then, I started my evening with some fantastic support interactions even before our Tuesday night support group and a coffee...love my coffee...I prepared some awesome food today, too! We had an absolutely wonderful support group conference call followed by a seriously delicious dinner--followed by a great workout--followed by picking up eight pounds of honeycrisp apples at 99cents a pound before the sale ends at midnight...because tomorrow they'll likely be three bucks or more a pound, again.

Yes, indeed, it was a much better day, today.

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di

November 2nd, 2015 The Circumstance of Current Thoughts and Emotions

November 2nd, 2015 The Circumstance of Current Thoughts and Emotions

I took 3/4 of a personal day off from work today. It was necessary. I did go in for a little while this afternoon before heading to the store for a few things and then onto the Monday night conference call support group.

I'm incredibly excited about this ten week session. We have two open spots in the Tuesday night 8pm Eastern/5pm Pacific group. If you're interested, regular registration is closed--but I can get you in if you send me an email with your request to join. transformation.road@gmail.com
Monday night is full!

I've learned how to navigate schedule changes and be okay. For me it goes back to my parallel streams philosophy: My Life Stream in the foreground and the Fundamental Elements Stream running in the background like a computer anti-virus program. 

Even still, an interruption in schedule requires me to be extra aware. I felt the need for increased awareness the first half of the day. I felt tilted. Like something wasn't right. I did two things in those moments--I sent a text to a support buddy describing this off-center feeling. This action immediately makes me feel better because suddenly I'm not alone in the circumstance of current thoughts and emotions. I have a team and I can bring them into this! And they don't mind, because I do the same for them when the need arises. And I embraced my fundamental elements a little tighter while the wind blew the hardest. I knew it would subside and the storm would pass. It did.

The second half was fueled by more fantastic support interactions, this time with me on the receiving end, then the group call, an amazing dinner and a fabulous workout.

This Monday ended up being nicely balanced after a seriously tilted start. That's a fantastic thing.

My continued recovery, maintenance and success isn't guaranteed. I understand this in a profound way because of my experiences with relapse/regain. I learn from watching others who have 5, 10, 20 and nearly 30 years of maintenance behind them. They have days that start like mine did today, too. Occasionally, we all do. And I know, without question, this is how they would have maneuvered their circumstance of current thoughts and emotions.

There's a popular phrase in recovery circles, "If you want what I got, you must be willing to do what I do." Part of my success in this turnaround from relapse/regain has been admitting that I do not "got this," or have anything "figured out." All I have is today, right now and my next good choice. That's truth. And releasing the "I got this" mentality is important, because with it--it erodes the need for anyone or anything. If "I got this" then why would I bother with most of my fundamental elements?

I proudly don't "got this." And my Fundamental Elements Stream will continue flowing a current directly under my Life Stream. One of my goals each day is to keep those streams in their own lane.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di

November 1st, 2015 I Needed More Information

November 1st, 2015 I Needed More Information

It was a fairly relaxing Sunday. Noah dropped in late this afternoon for a trip to see grandma in Stillwater. We still hadn't gathered for my birthday, so that was the primary reason for the trip, aside from simply enjoying a good visit.

We dined on Mexican last night, so the challenge for this evening was to find something different. I had heard about this new place in town called Pie Five. I had heard things like, "the Chipotle of pizza," everything is fresh, type things. I needed more information.

I checked the website and found a fantastic nutrition calculator based on items selected for a personal pizza. I had two big questions. What's in the sauce and what's in the crust?

This information wasn't on the website, so I called the manager. I politely explained what I needed to know. And then I asked for her to describe how they prepare the sauce. "We use crushed tomatoes, garlic and Italian spices." "The tomatoes, are they fresh or canned?" "Canned, okay--can you read me the ingredients list--any sugar in there?" "Just tomatoes, okay--so, no sugar in the sauce. that's good." "What about the crust? How is the thin crust made?" "We don't use sugar." "But you use a mix, right?" "Can you look at the ingredients of the mix? Do you see sugar listed?" "Nope, no sugar." 

After trying this place out and feeling slightly strange afterward, I'm starting to doubt the manager. It's not quite the feeling I experienced a few weeks ago with the accidental two sips of sugared coffee, but I recognized a difference. I've never had this feeling after the Hideaway's thin gluten free crust veggie pizza--also purported to be sugar free, so I don't know. Not sure I'll trust that place again unless I see the ingredients list with my own eyes. 

I went into the place feeling confident, having done the homework. It didn't take long at all. I researched, created a custom food in MyFitnessPal with the nutritional specs and everything. If an ingredient did have some sugar in it, it certainly wasn't intentional on my part. And the great thing is, whatever created the weird feeling upon leaving the place seems to have subsided. I feel great tonight.  

Noah was fun tonight. I enjoy every second I get to spend with him. And I know Grandma and Uncle Keith enjoyed seeing him, too. It was a quick visit, but still, some quality family time!

photo before-dallas_zpsqayvochu.jpg
My Aunt Kelli sent me this "before" photo last night. It was November 2002 in Dallas, TX.

I'm wrapping the weekend feeling fantastic and ready for the week ahead. The weight loss support groups I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri start tomorrow. Monday night is full and only three spots remain in the Tuesday night group.

If you're ready to sign up for the Tuesday night group, here's the direct link to the registration page:

My Tweets Today:
Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di

October 31st, 2015 No Candy Fare Needed

October 31st, 2015 No Candy Fare Needed

When my daughters were little, we bundled them up and took them trick or treating every year. At over 500 pounds, I couldn't walk too far in one stretch. I watched from the car as Irene took them from house to house. I would pick them up at the end of each block then ask for a candy bar as a "fare" to the next block. Horrible, I know. It happened. Not proud of it, their 500 pound father basically demanding candy to continue--uhg... but now, two decades later, we can recall, smile and even laugh about those times.

Tonight was Noah's first turn at trick or treating. None of us wanted to miss it, so we all went along. It was seven adults and one of the most adorable Tiggers making our way around, gathering candy. Both of my daughters, Irene and a few others came along. Noah wasn't sure about it at first, but he quickly figured out that this was likely the greatest thing of all time. People open their door and give me candy, for free? It wasn't long before he was literally running from house to house.

There wasn't any of the old driving as they walked, business. We parked and all of us walked. At one point, far away from where the cars were waiting, I literally ran two and a half blocks back to mine to quickly shuttle Noah to the next area. No candy-fare needed. That kind of physical freedom feels incredible.

Afterward, we all gathered for dinner at the Mexican restaurant closest to my apartment. I was shocked at how well Noah, at two years, knows how to use his Nana's smart phone. He was watching kids videos after eating...watch a little while, swipe through some other options with his cute little fingers, then start a different one...watch...then swipe...start another and watch some more. Fascinating how the device is so intuitively designed, a two year old can figure it out.

Today was a great day all the way around. I caught up on some rest, exercised well at the YMCA, maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, exceeded my water goal and continued to hold sacred my abstinence from refined sugar.

This is the second Halloween in a row without some kind of candy going in my face. A candy-less Halloween is something I couldn't imagine two decades ago. I can honestly say it isn't even a question or a temptation at this point. I don't consume refined sugar, period. It's just a fact. It's not "I try to stay away from refined sugar," or "I do my best to not eat sugar," or "I usually don't eat refined sugar." It's "I don't consume refined sugar." I treat it very much like I'm allergic and the reaction would surely kill me. And really, that's not too far removed from the truth when you think about it. If I eat refined sugar, I will relapse--and if I relapse, I will gain weight rapidly--and if I ever go back to those much higher weights, 350, 400 or 500 pounds, eventually it will kill me.

I wrote a Facebook micro-blog today:

This search many of us are on, isn't for anything external. Ultimately, what is found lives within us. The perspectives needed for positive change lie in wait of our discoveries along the way. Each perspective is waiting its turn to enlighten. The search, when redefined, becomes a self-study full of trial and error. The epiphanies that come with our consistent pursuit, reveal the secrets hibernating within our heart, mind and soul. And then we realize, our search was ultimately for the belief that it was within us the entire time. Once we believe it's in there, on a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level, we transform. And we do because the limiting thoughts we once embraced, are exchanged for limitless possibilities.

Someone commented, "A little verbose, but true." 

I invented verbose, of course it is! I'm intentionally verbose most of the time. How many ways can I say this, or how much clarity can I give this thought? It's part of my writing style. I could have refined it down to a sentence or two, but that's not much fun for me. I enjoy my verbosity.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di

October 30th, 2015 Tweets Only

October 30th, 2015 Tweets Only

Having a "Tweets Only" Friday night!

Busy day. Good day. But busy.

Sleeping in tomorrow.

Catching up on some sleep.

My Tweets Today:






































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
di
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